Looking Back..

What is it like after life?

I keep on wondering for this question because I always think of where could my parents have been, whether what and how are they doing, or even if they still know each other.

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2 years have passed after the world misses their smile. and technically 2 years of moving on is not enough, HELL NO ITS NOT!

My family and friends may think that I already have moved on but, guys I’m telling you I haven’t. You may see me laugh, crack a joke or just living a care free life but deep inside whenever I remember how dad and mom left this wonderful world, i frown.

I would want to share this letter I found on my laptop that I wrote a month after they both died…

” Dad & Mom,

Why too quick? 😦 I wasn’t ready. I MISS THE BOTH OF YOU. seriously. I do not know how to go on with life now. You gave me the life anyone would ask for. In any moment i never felt that you didn’t love me. You spoiled me. You baby me too much that even simple things like preparing my food, you are the ones who did it for me. never did I think that this would be very sudden. I have a lot of dreams for the both of you and you even said to me that you guys will wait till I grab that diploma and take a picture with full smiles on our faces. why? why now? please tell me this is a joke. it hurts so much that I think haven’t let you feel the love that you deserve. You sacrificed a lot for me and I don’t think I haven’t gave you the proper “thank you” for giving me this life. I miss you both everyday, and its killing me because I know that each waking day, I have to move on and stand up ’cause i have to live this life.

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Dad, I love you so much. you were my first love, and nothing beats that. Thank you for spoiling me. thank you for always being there at my back whenever mom and I are not okay. thank you because you always made me laugh. thank you because since elementary up to college you waited for me at the gate of our house just to make sure that I am safe. thank you because you make me enjoy every single day of my life, that you were not that strict and still let me go out with friends more often you were the one who ask permission to mom to let me go. thank you for our watching numerous movies with me especially our favorite show “wrestling”. thank you because every weekend you cook sumptuous breakfast for mom and I, that I guess one reason why she fell in love with you. thank you because whenever I have new clothes or shoes that I showed to you always say it suits me that even if it looked bad on me you’d still say that I look good on it because you want me to feel that you support me no matter what. Thank you because you were such a good provider for our family. Each and every day I thank God for letting me feel your love and guidance. you are not a perfect dad but you are incomparable. Your love for me is priceless because for you I am a gem, precious and wonderful. I miss your corny jokes, your wonderful laughter, your never ending story of your life as a teenager, your impeccable dishes and most especially your wonderful smile. How I wish I can have you back.

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Mom, i am sorry for all the pain that I caused you, i wasn’t the perfect daughter and i know most of the time we argue because i was hard headed but believe me, i love you my whole life. Thank you because you loved me more than yourself. I thank God because He gave me you. He gave me the most wonderful epitome of a woman and most of all the strongest person I know. we had a lot of problems emotional, spiritual, financial but we managed to conquer it all because you were the one who showed us not to give up and not to let go. Thank you mom,for everything. thank you for supporting me not because I am your daughter but because you were really proud of me. Thank you for cooking delicious food everyday. Thank you because I learned a lot from you, I learn how to be strong and confident. When dad passed away I promise myself that every waking day I will take care of you because I want to fill in dad’s love for you too. I am in deep pain mom because I thought I can still show you how big is my love for you. I have lots of things in mind that I want to do with you. but how can it possibly be?  How do i move on? how do I go from here? Where will I run whenever I have problems and I need a shoulder to cry on? I miss your sophisticated look. I miss your unconditional love for me. I miss your warm hugs. I miss your sinigang. I miss how you get mad whenever I commit a mistake because i know you want the best for me. I love you mommy. I miss you so much.

Don’t worry mom and dad, I will try to move on step by step. because I know you will guide me everyday. I know that you will always be at my side. Most especially I know that even if you are not physically here, i will forever feel your unconditional love for me. I love you both and thank you so much!

Your princess,

Gem “

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After 2 years I found that word file named “love” here on my laptop, thinking I still feel the same way.

Today is my dad’s 2nd death anniversary a month after would be mom’s, how time flies so fast that I thought 2 years was just yesterday, wounds are still fresh. I wish I can just go back in time where we were all happy as a family.

Let us pause for a while and pray for my parents soul..

LOOKING BACK wasn’t easy,

but I have to be strong no matter what.

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Thanks for listening.

See you soon,

G

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18 thoughts on “Looking Back..

  1. kayang kaya mo yan gem! ano man ang narating mo ngayon, for sure yan pinaghanda ka na nila ng masasarap na putahe sa heaven. nagcelebrate na sila dun kasi sobrang proud sila sayo. time will heal all the wounds, gem. i know, your parents are helping you. you deserve all the happiness in life. bata ka pa. wag mo lang ikulong sarili mo sa sadness na nararamdaman mo. ALWAYS CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY GEM. i think mas gusto nila na lagi kang masaya. nandito lang kaming lahat for you gem. i love you fish! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This made me cry! You horrible girl!

    You ARE strong. Don’t you ever doubt it. It takes a lot of strength to even post this.
    I’m sure they’re proud of you dear. They’re watching over you, they made sure that you’re surrounded by so many people who love you!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautiful tribute. I, too, have lost both my parents but was SO lucky to have them until their 80s. Making a great life for yourself is the best way of honouring them – showing the world what love can do. You just liked my latest post “Does Friendship mean Forgiveness”, for which I thank you but I think you would appreciate the post before that called “Eulogy for a Mother”. It is at http://www.livinglifeat56.wordpress.com. 🌺

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Gem,
    I just wanted to stop by and say (a much belated) thank you for following my blog, and I came across this post. I think this is a beautiful tribute to your parents and can’t imagine the grief of losing them both so close together. You’re really brave to post this.
    Jo

    Like

  5. You know I got so emotional reading this because almost 2 years ago I lost my best friend who was my dad. I’m still fighting through it. No matter how many time you smile you still feels the pain like it was yesterday. I’m sorry for your loss you know .. Deeply sorry. I’m praying that God continue to show you
    Love and giving you the strength that you need. I’m praying for you. I know I don’t know you, but I’m supper proud of how you keep the smile on and continue to live life :. I know it’s hard❤️❤️. Sending you love

    Liked by 1 person

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